Don’t Avert Your Eyes: Know How To React

By Alicia Sparks

This “Don’t Avert Your Eyes” post was inspired by PTSD survivor and awareness advocate Michele Rosenthal. Michele runs the PTSD blog Parasites of the Mind, and recently contributed “What I Wish My Family Had Known” to CarrotOfHope.org, an article that takes a look at the PTSD perspective and how family and friends can interpret behavior and continue to interact.

Learn more about how Joaquin Phoenix prompted this weeklong series, find out what we talked about yesterday, and don’t forget to stop back by – it’s running until Friday, March 27!

Yesterday I gave you some ideas about what you could expect after bringing up the subject of mental illness with someone you suspect might be struggling with mental health problems - namely anger, apathy, and avoidance and how so many other negative states like fear, panic, confusion, and shame go into them.

Now that you know what to expect, how are you supposed to handle it?

Make sure the person knows you care.

Sounds like a no brainer, I’m sure, but like I’ve mentioned before your loved one might feel threatened when you bring up his mental health. The goal is to make sure the person knows you genuinely care about him and aren’t merely “weirded out” or panicky about his behavior.

Statements like “I love you,” “I want to help you,” and “You are not alone” will help the person see you care, but remember your actions need to back up your words. Need to know how to do that? Refresh yourself on how to talk about mental illness.

Meet others who know what you’re going through.

You know the old saying “Birds of a feather flock together”? Well, it doesn’t always have such a negative connotation. Hooking up with folks who’ve been where you are, or currently are where you are, will help you know what to expect and how to cope with it all.

• Join a traditional support group. Find out if there are any locally based support groups in your area, or if larger organizations like the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) have chapters in your hometown.
• Join an online support group. The number of online support groups makes it easy to find the right fit for you. Get started with the forums at PsychCentral and the DBSA, but don’t overlook communities like DailyStrength.org and RevolutionHealth.com.

Talk with the person’s other family members, friends, and loved ones.

Talking with other people who are close (or maybe closer) to the person will let you know if others have noticed what you’ve noticed, give you more insight, and even alert others to what might be going on. If you’re the person’s friend, try talking with one of his family members. If you’re the person’s parent, sibling, or spouse, trying talking with one of his friends. You get the idea.

Keep in mind, though, that you should select the family member or friend with care – make sure it’s someone you know pretty well and someone who values discretion and confidentiality. You’re talking about another person’s mental health and you must be careful to respect that person’s privacy.

Educate yourself about mental illness.

These days, you don’t have to sign up for psychology classes just to learn the basics about mental health and mental illness. When used properly, the Internet is an amazing resource. Try these reputable websites to get started:

PsychCentral
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
Mental Health America
The National Alliance on Mental Illness
The National Institute of Mental Health
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Also, don’t underestimate the power of blogs. Whether they’re written by mental health advocates or professionals, many of them are valuable sources of information and they sometimes even act as communities where you can connect with others who know what you’re going through.

Take time out for yourself.

Once you become concerned about someone you care for, it’s pretty easy to fall into the routine of being concerned only about that person. Remember, though, that you have to take care of yourself – your own health and well being – too, in addition to responsibilities like your family, your career, or your studies.

Up to this point, we’ve talked about handling situations in which you think someone close to you is having mental health problems. I’ve saved tomorrow – the last day of the “Don’t Avert Your Eyes” series – for handling extreme cases.

In the meantime, I want to know how you’ve acted when it seemed like someone close to you was suffering from mental health problems. What worked for you, and what didn’t? What advice would you offer others going through the same thing?

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