From Carrey To Winehouse: 10 Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions

By Alicia Sparks

Can you believe it’s 2009? 2009?! Where does the time go.

In addition to a variety of other New Year’s traditions I didn’t participate in, I did not make any resolutions. I can’t even remember the last time I made a New Year’s resolution.

However, that didn’t stop me from making resolutions for a certain 10 celebrities. :)

Dave Matthews (& Co.) - I love you. Like, I really do love you, man. Your music has carried me through some of the darkest and happiest times of my life. Remember back in 2007 when you launched that petition to the Secretary of Defense about the medical care of American soldiers and the difference between pre-existing personality disorders and the illnesses related to their jobs? You should totally do something like that again. As if I could love you anymore. See you in April!

Lindsay Lohan - I do think you’re working to improve your personal life and I commend you for that. In 2009, maybe you should refrain from the public fighting with your family. Your message to Britney was great, but you also dragged in your father’s alleged secret child. Really, that probably just added to your stress. I wouldn’t dream of telling you to “make up” with your father - that’s none of my business - but I will say that it’s a lot less stressful to deal with certain areas of life when you don’t have the burden of family discord to deal with. Maybe a truce? Counseling? A more defined parting of the ways?

Stephenie Meyer - I jumped on the Twilight bandwagon later than most folks (this past Sunday, to be exact), so I just learned about the Midnight Sun leak and how it affected your frame of mind and creative drive. I’m so sorry. In 2009, I suggest working on those issues, finishing the book, and publishing it. Not only because I am an insanely selfish reader and totally in love with Edward Cullen (which, speaks volumes about my own state of mind, I’m afraid), but because I genuinely do think it will bring you peace of mind. Writing is therapeutic, as you well know. :)

Jim Carrey - I think one of your goals for 2009 should be to wrap up that writing you stated you’d be doing about your experiences using tyrosine and hydroxytryptophan to manage depression. I’m extremely interested to see how it will read.

Amy Winehouse - I hear you’re going to be in a Norway court soon over drug possession charges. I don’t know if you possessed drugs or not, Amy, but please consider accepting Shore Break Drug Rehab’s invitation. At the very least, it’d give you a nice break from the limelight, wouldn’t it? A chance to clear your head?

Heather Locklear - I don’t know what’s going on with your DUI arrest. I hear the erratic driving stemmed from prescription medications for depression and anxiety. Despite the fact that I’m saddened taking medication for your mental health led to an arrest, I’m happy you were open about the situation. You told Jay Leno you’re looking forward to 2009 - maybe after all the court proceedings are over, you could become an advocate for education about mental health prescription medications? Help others realize the importance of understanding side effects and such?

Joaquin Phoenix - I’m worried about you. Perez Hilton is reporting some behavior that’s causing serious concern for your family and friends. I don’t want to pry, and if we never find out what exactly’s going on I’m OK with that. Of course, it may be nothing at all - I also heard you were wanting to leave acting for music, and maybe your aloofness is just a reflection of your loss of interest in the movie business. But, if something is going on, let’s make 2009 the year to put it right, yes?

Tom Cruise - I don’t agree with your views on psychiatry, mental illness, and medication, but I do agree with your views on what you should and shouldn’t publicly discuss, and when. In 2009, stick to those views.

Jamie Foxx - I’m excited to see you and Robert Downey, Jr. in The Soloist this year. On the way to your many red carpet events, how about you squeeze in trip to the post office to mail a membership form to a mental health advocacy organization? Your costar, Robert, is already on the Advisory Board for No Kidding, Me Too! Maybe he could offer a suggestion.

Britney Spears - Just keep on keepin’ on, girl.

Happy New Year!


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