How many times during the day do we run away with stories in our heads that only serve to make us more tense or more frustrated with life. How many troubles do we have in our minds that never really happen? The following is a story I originally heard from author and teacher, Jack Kornfield, of a man that we may all be able to relate to:
John had been touring in Afghanistan and over time had developed a stress condition so severe that his commanding officer recommended him to take leave for a while. Part of the conditions for leaving was that he take an 8-week mindfulness course to deal with his stress. After 8 weeks, John learned how to become aware of the interaction of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that would cycle over one another and snowball him into a full blow stress reaction or a fit of rage. He was able to acknowledge when this was happening, bringing himself back to his breath and body, calm his nervous system, and respond differently. He was feeling pretty good about himself and his new way of relating to his stress and anger.
On his way home to see his family, he stopped at a super market to pick up some groceries. As he began to check out in the 12 items or less check-out line, there was a woman in front of him holding her baby. The first thing he noticed was that she had at least 15 items which started to irritate him. He began to think, “I can’t believe people do this, it is so rude, what is wrong with this lady.” As the fumes continued to rise he noticed to check out clerk and the customer beginning to coo at the little baby. This only made his blood boil more. Then the unthinkable happened. The customer actually handed the baby over to the check-out clerk who continued to coo and smile at the baby. “Don’t these people have any respect for other people’s time? I hate this.” John’s whole body was in a knot at this point.
Just when he was about to go up to the women and give them a piece of his mind, he remembered his mindfulness practice. He came back to his breath and noticed his body. He realized how tense his muscles were and gently began to roll his shoulders. When he felt more present and grounded he opened his eyes again.
A new and different kind of thought came up in his mind, “this baby is kind of cute.”
As the lady finished checking out, he walked up to the check-out lady and said, “That kid was pretty cute.” She smiled at him and replied, “Oh, you think so. That baby is my baby. My husband was killed last year in his tour in Afghanistan and I had to take a full time job to support us. My mom takes care of him during day and brings him by one time a day so I can see him.”
Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, says that often times we may be watering the seeds of suffering. Meaning, the way we relate to our stress and pain can make things worse. In becoming aware of this cycle, we can learn to STOP it, bring ourselves back to the present moment, and become more flexible in our responses with greater ease. In the same vein, we can water the seeds of happiness and ease by learning to become more present, becoming kinder and more compassionate to our own struggles, and acting more skillfully moment-to-moment.
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